New Rules

1. Panning Racism - It is no longer OK for camera men and producers of comedy shows on television to immediately pan to a black guy after a fried chicken joke, pan to an Asian or a Woman after a joke about a car accident, or pan to a big tittied blonde after a joke about strippers...UNLESS the black guy is ACTUALLY eating KFC, the Asian or woman is in a neck brace, or the big tittied blonde is only wearing a G-String next to a pole...

2. Facebook Depression - It is no longer OK for Facebook to keep changing it's layout and adding new features that only showcase the new activities of old girlfriends and hook-ups. I swear as soon as I'm done talking to someone or just got out of a relationship with a girl, Facebook feels the need to show me their consistent up dates on the home page as soon as I sign in. Seeing how happy and how much fun a X-Girlfriend is having after breaking up with you as you sit on the computer, downloading disgusting porn and discovering the joys of Perkisets should not be labeled by Facebook as "Highlights." I no longer need to keep a list of my sexual partners, now all I need to do is sign on to Facebook and I can instantly get an update on all of them on the home page. Great for when your feeling to good about yourself.

3. Vamp-Curious - It is no longer OK for society to be obsessed with Vampires in any way. In the 90's, everyone wanted Vampires dead, and we celebrated this with shows like "Buffy" and movies like "Blade," but 10 years later, all everybody wants to do is have sex with them, which is showcased in shows like "True Blood," and movies like "Twilight," and "New Moon." That's not called a fetish, its called Necrophilia. First you need to be tan and having a pulse to be considered sexy, and now being pale, old, and cryptic is in? Brings a whole new meaning to "Drop Dead Gorgeous."

4. Angels & Demons & Sperm - It is no longer OK to pretend to be religious, flaunt how amazing and pure you are, judging other who don't attend services every Sunday, but then go around having unprotected sex and practicing the "Pull & Pray." If your Religion is so fulfilling, then may I recommend the "Stay & Pray," then we'll see how much stock you put into your savior now...